We have all been there… in a bad headspace where we are our own worst enemy. Putting ourselves down, being critical, saying things like “you can’t do anything right” or “you will never feel better”. It’s a hard spot to get out of and can spiral very quickly. You are not alone. We all have those thoughts, some of us just get stuck on them more than others.
There are two big ways we get validation: from others and from ourselves. We all seek reassurance from others. We want to hear we did a good job, that our new hair cut looks cute, that we got an award for something we worked hard on…. But getting validation from yourself is so very important and can be hard to do.
This might sound familiar:
I shouldn't feel this way, I need to get over it.
I don't have it as bad as others, I am just being dramatic.
I just need to “man up” and do it.
Self validation is something we can practice using DBT techniques. One way is to break things down into 3 simple steps: acknowledge how you feel right now (I feel angry), allow yourself to feel that way (anger is uncomfortable but it’s ok to feel that way), and understand why (I feel angry because I didn't do something I ‘should have' and am being too hard on myself).
Next time your find yourself being your own worst critic…. Take a moment to acknowledge, allow and understand yourself!