I have spent the past few weeks talking about thinking patterns and thinking traps. This week I want to introduce a method of managing those irrational thoughts. I like to this of this technique as the ‘goldilocks’ method meaning that we try to balance the thoughts you are having (not too hot, not too cold, to get to the ‘just right’). We do this by taking the thought to the extremes on both sides, and then coming to the ‘middle’ at the end. The middle thought is more likely to be realistic and fair versus the thoughts on either extreme.
I will usually have clients reflect on some of there thoughts to practice this technique in session but allow me to give you some examples so you can get a better idea of how to do this on your own.
I was walking into the building and I am sure a group of people were looking at me. They must think I am ugly and fat.
Let’s make this thought ‘too hot’: Not only were they looking at you but they know that you didn’t shower this morning and will tell EVERYONE you smell bad.
Let’s make it ‘too cold’: No one was looking at you, why would they? You are invisible and unimportant.
Now let’s find the Goldilocks thought: Perhaps they looked up at me as I walked in the door, but they were clearly having a conversation that had nothing to do with me.
Which of these thoughts is probably true? The Goldilocks one right? Rationally you know they probably weren’t looking at you, weren’t talking about you, weren’t actually paying that much attention to you at all. People naturally look up when someone walks in the door.
Let’s do another.
I forgot to set my alarm and was late to class. My teacher must hate me now.
Too hot? My teacher hates me and she now has it out for me; I will fail this class and all my other classes.
Too cold? My teacher doesn’t care about me at all; she didn’t even notice when I walked in.
Goldilocks? My teacher probably noticed I was late. I will make sure to say something on the way out to her and apologize. I don’t think she will care too much as other people have been late before without problem.
This does not always work with everyone or every thought but you might find it helpful to find that balanced thought.
